The Parent Trap

(Matthew 19:7)  They said to Him, Why did Moses then command to give a bill of divorce and to put her away? (Matthew 19:8)  He said to them, Because of your hard-heartedness Moses allowed you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so. (Matthew 19:9)  And I say to you, Whoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is put away commits adultery.

Here are a few more excerpts from my soon to be published book on marriage taken from the chapter entitled The Parent Trap.

“One of my all-time favorite family movies is The Parent Trap of course I like the original version better than the newer one.  Yet the newer one conveys the same underlying message just as well as the first one. I believe in both versions the underlying message and theme of the movie is that when it comes to children divorce sucks.  When children are involved even with both parents working together divorce still sucks. ”

People probably thought we were okay because my dad was a minister they had no idea what my Mom went through.  My Dad transitioned from this life in 1999 at almost 94 years old yet sad to say he actually controlled my mom from the grave up until her transition  two years ago at the age of 88.

The women of my Mom’s era basically stayed with their husbands no matter what.  They suffered mental, physical, and emotional abuse.  In some cases their husbands may have had a whole other family often times in the same city. They would be married to one woman but had children by one or more women and their wives knew about.  These women went through hell right here on earth but hung in there and never complained.  They stayed married for the sake of their children.

It is so important that you wait before jumping into marriage because divorce is a lose, lose, situation as far as children are concerned even adult children.  I’ll say it again divorce sucks now some of you all may be offended by my terminology but keeping it real. To me saying divorce suck paints a good image of how wacked divorce really is. At the same time divorce may be the best in some cases.  I for one do not believe that any woman or these days man should have to remain in an abusive relationship.  When there is physical abuse get up and go because you very life could be at risk.

At the same time what is irreconcilable differences to me that is the biggest cope out when it comes to conditions for a divorce. Come on now let’s get real already why not just say we are tired of each other. Or I don’t like him or her anymore. To me it is so lame to opt out of a marriage stating conditions such as that. Our scripture shows us that God intended marriage to be for life and even though the option is there when one or the other commits fornication God still wants us to forgive and restore.  The relationship between husband and wife is similar to that of Christ and the church.  Just as we seek God’s forgiveness God expects husbands and wives to forgive each other.  Forgiveness does not mean that we forget we move on and start fresh. As with many things in life prevention is priceless. Sometimes husbands and wives keep important events from their past to themselves.  Issues such as sexual abuse, family alcoholism, drug abuse, any past personal or family issues that may cause problems in your marriage should be discussed.  Both men and women who have been abused as children can have problems when it comes to intimacy in marriage.  Openness and honesty in a marriage can prevent underlying issues from evolving into major problems leading to divorce.

As we stated earlier statistics show that 50% of all first marriages in America wind up in divorce, 70% of all second marriages end in divorce and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.  These statistics in some ways highlight another point that we’ve touched on earlier.  People are getting married that should not be getting married.  I for one do not believe that every couple that gets married should stay married especially when deception and deceit are involved.  If your spouse presents themselves as one person and in reality they are someone else.  If they have ulterior motives that are revealed after marriage how can the marriage survive?

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